Brunch & Vision: He Said edition went down this past Saturday afternoon and it was nothing short of amazing! The fellas came through with transparency, wisdom, humor, honesty, and ALL truth! The discussion went from topic to topic, but a question arose that has baffled me and probably every single woman in the church today. It was pulled from a Facebook post earlier in the week that said: “If only the church would prepare men to be husbands, as much as they strive to prepare women to be wives.” I couldn’t wait to discuss this topic with the men, and it led to a great discussion.If only the church would prepare men to be husbands, as much as they strive to prepare women to be wives Click To Tweet
Interestingly enough, the all male panel went quiet when the statement first arose. They all began to go into deep thought because its simply not an easy statement to address. Various factors go into why women are groomed and pushed toward marriage, particularly in the black church, compared to men, but the main reason being, black men hold a lower percentage rate of attendance to church compared to women. I won’t say they are absent, but the ratio is definitely unbalanced on Sunday mornings. You can’t groom, encourage, or disciple what’s not coming into the building.
As we further discussed the lack of men that come to church, the question then arose of how we can bring them back, or initially bring them in.
Alfred Duncan, one half of the marriage duo #ForeverDuncan, a panelist for the afternoon stated, “What it takes is men….I don’t think women can do anything, it takes panels like this, [men] being vulnerable to one other…”
I listened to him speak, and all I could think in my head was, “I agree, but there has to be something women can do!” Call it the woman in me! It’s not a coincidence of the amount of women found in the church, and its not unknown the power women possess and the influence they carry, especially in unity.
“Women have got to be able to do something,” I said.
“Don’t settle,” Brian said, a fellow panelist and local minister in the area.
Could you imagine the power of women collectively not settling for a man saying that he’s “spiritual” not “religious,” yet has no idea what the voice of God even sounds like and hasn’t stepped foot into a church in years? Could you imagine if every woman simply told a man that she was striving for celibacy and stuck to her guns because of her love for God and self, rather than her love for that man? Could you imagine if every woman would challenge and encourage a man to think more highly of himself because God says, “He is fearfully and wonderfully made?” That scripture is not just for women, by the way. Could you imagine if every woman set the true example of what it means to be Christ-like in front of a man instead of perpetrating holiness but living like hell. Could you imagine?
There is true power in not settling; enough power to subconsciously and spiritually encourage a man to rethink his motives and desires; therefore pushing him toward the one who created and drives the standards you place before him in the first place, and that’s God.
I was reminded of the movie “Chi-Raq.” Not really sure why I ever watched this movie. I’m not a Spike Lee fan, but it chronicled women taking a stand and working together. Granted, they were withholding sex from their partners in an attempt to cease the senseless gang violence in the city of Chicago, but they recognized something that gave them influence over men and used it to encourage peace.
Colin Kaepernick’s taking a knee during the National Anthem has now inspired so many others to join him in a stance and fight for racial equality, amongst other issues. Ray Lewis even finally taking a knee, having been an opponent to Kaepernick’s stance in the beginning, proves that one person’s stance can catch like wild fire and start a movement that will make the opposer take another look at what they’re trying to present and accomplish.
The Bible is full of people who set a standard and God transformed lives. Esther is one. If it was not for her boldness and obedience to approach the king and request that her people be spared from being slaughtered, they would have surely died by the thousands!
Ladies, there is purpose and power in saying “no,” staying celibate, desiring to be treated with the utmost respect, and chasing God more than you chase a man when you’re dating and desiring to be married. It’s so much bigger than getting a ring and a wedding date, because before he is your boo, bae, boyfriend, or husband, he is your brother in Christ, and our brothers are fleeing the church.
Even while on a date, it’s truly about being Christs’ ambassadors, evangelizing to those who do not know him, and BEING the church so that someone may want to actually walk into an church building to gain fellowship, discipleship, and have a worship experience.
This dating game is tricky and I’ve met way too many men who think of church as the enemy instead of a safe house. So, is it all on women to help bring our men back to Christ and the church building? No. There are definitely deeper issues and things to be addressed, but we have a role to play in encouraging them to seek God by setting a standard in our personal lives that demands nothing less than God’s best. If you set a low goal, it takes nothing to achieve it, but if you set the goal high, it takes more than the average to reach it.If you set a low goal, it takes nothing to achieve it, but if you set the goal high, it takes more than the average to reach it. Click To Tweet
And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want an average man, I want God’s best!