I’m not sure if we’ve been scarred by the idea that men only think of sex 24 hours a day or the moment they put their eyes on us they undress us and have lustful thoughts; but we tend to use our celibacy as a weapon of defense rather than a gift for the proper time.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been guilty of being over zealous when it comes to sharing my stance and desire to be celibate until marriage. I attempt to shut down his desires and thoughts before he thought to try a thing. I wasn’t playing! But I was quickly told by a gentleman that it wasn’t necessary. My aggression and attempt to set up a boundary in the first conversation left no room for him to really get to know me and I him. There was no organic chemistry because I put the fizz out before we could even make it to our first date.
Our celibacy, as precious as it is, is not to be used to chastise or beat a man over the head in an attempt to let him know your stance and relationship with God. Your life should already be doing the talking. Are you trying to convince him that you’re celibate or yourself?
Dating is an interesting game to play, particularly as a Christian. We feel like we have to wear t-shirts, chains, rings, and the like, to let people know where we stand. And those things are fine, but the life behind the paraphernalia must match!
The way you dress, your character and the way you carry yourself speaks a lot about what you partake in and also what you abstain from. Is there a conversation that needs to be had, absolutely. But let God allow the conversation to flow. Your celibacy journey is really a testimony that many brothers have not experienced. Why? Because too many women, including myself, have declared one thing, yet we turn around and do another. Celibacy then became a joke rather than a true lifestyle.
We are all human beings and make mistakes, but attempting to use celibacy as a weapon in the beginning will only make for the gun to be turned back your way when its not carried out with true conviction and boundaries.
With true discernment, you can tell where a brother’s head is concerning you and his hormones. But sometimes, your stance can bring about a change in thought and spirit when it comes to his value in sex and his understanding of God’s principles. You are not to be his God, but like I always say, “before he is your boo, bae, or husband, he is your brother in Christ.”
Consider this: the word “dating” is no where to be found in the Bible, but the concept of “evangelism” is. So what we coin as dating, going out with the opposite sex in an attempt to get to know each other, because he is your brother in Christ until he is your husband, you are evangelizing; sharing the good news of Christ in your life. Your life, walk, and talk are all suppose to exude Christ, even after you’re married.
Jesus never had to truly announce his “Messiah-ship.” Most people knew he was different by the things he did and did not do, what he spoke out against, and the way he treated people.
Ladies, all I’m really trying to say is, use discernment, tact, and wisdom when sharing your celibacy walk. Have a conversation that allows him to see Christ and not a punch in the gut to get your point across.